


Haikyu angst week 2020

by kohi_uwu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohi_uwu/pseuds/kohi_uwu
Summary: welcome to the crying fest! not edited at all, i am sorry for the terrible grammar and spelling TwT
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Semi Eita & Tendou Satori, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	1. i really am a monster- haikyuu angst week DAY 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: SELF HARM

(kuroken)

TW: SELF HARM

‘dang it they don’t sell genshin impact here’ (PRETEND GENSHIN IMPACT RELEASED A PHYSICAL COPY FOR ME PLEASE-)

“oh kenma! i didn’t know you were gonna be here.” a familiar voice called out.

i turned my back, and it was kuroo. and a girl holding his hand. who is she, why is she out with kuroo. do we have a new club manager? is that why. 

“oh hi kuroo, i didn’t know you have a life outside of volleyball and doing dumb stuff with bokuto.” i said, standing up to look him in the eyes. his intimidating yet friendly eyes. the ones that can make our opponents be terrified of him. those caramel-like eyes. 

“kenmaaaaa that’s so mean” kuroo said nudging my shoulder 

quiet. it was quiet between us. three of us standing there, in the gaming shop. 

“anyways, kenma meet my girlfriend, miki.” kuroo said, wrapping his arm around the brown-haired girl wearing a cute strawberry dress that was slightly shorter than kuroo. 

‘oh’

“hi nice to meet you i’m kozume. kozume kenma.” i said, looking down. 

“oh well nice to meet you! i’m akinora miki!” she said reaching her hand out.

i didn’t i shake her hand. it was quiet again. i didn’t bother shaking it. it wastes too much of my energy. 

“so.., now that you’ve met my beloved, you wanna go to the cinemas with us? we were planning to watch a quiet place.” kuroo asks. finally breaking the awkward silence.

i opened my mouth, but the brown-haired girl interrupted. “kyaaaa, tetsuro! i told you we’re not watching that!! i’ll get scared” she said, puffing her cheeks, crossing her arms and avoiding kuroo’s eyes.

“but babe, that’s the point of a scary movie.” he chuckles, hugging her from the back, nuzzling his nose into her neck making her chuckle. 

“but yea, kenma wanna come with us?” he asks, moving his face towards his best friend.

‘if i say no, he’ll think i’m a party pooper’

“sure.” i said, smiling towards the both of them

“great!” the girl said, grabbing kuroo by the arm, tugging him away.

further and further away. 

‘what am i doing. i don’t wanna go. i want kuroo to be happy but, i want him to be happy with me.’

“kenma, what are you doing let’s go in the cinema” kuroo calls out. 

“yea okay.”

-while watching a quiet place-

“tetsuro! this is so scary why’d you choose this!!” she said grabbing his arm.

“heh, it’s fun to tease you like this.” he said, kissing the top of her head, leaning against her, telling her there’s nothing to be afraid of.

‘i’d rather not be here. how did i get here even? i just wanted to get genshin impact and leave.’

“kuroo.” no response. ‘was i too quiet?’

“kuroo.” i raised my voice a bit. no response

“kuroo.” i tugged his jacket and raised my voice. 

“kenma no need to be loud, i’m right here” he chuckles, sitting straight and turning his head to me. 

“i’m going to the bathroom.” i said, standing up. 

“oh ok, i’ll see you.” he said, turning his attention back on his perfect girlfriend, brown hair, beautiful face and everything.

the path to the bathroom took longer than i thought. 

‘was the bathroom always located this far? what a pain.’ i sighed. looking at my reflection. 

‘ah i see why he doesn’t like me. i’m ugly.’ i smile

‘wow i really am ugly’ my smile grows a bit bigger, leaning forwards towards the mirror to get a closer look.

‘those bloodshot eyes, the eye bags, bleached hair, dried lips.’

“heh i really am ugly.” i laughed.

“i’m really ugly” i continued, walking to the wall and slowly sitting against it. 

‘who would want me’

\- self-harm part begins, please stop reading if you are sensitive. and scroll to the next dash-

clink

‘what’s that.’

i reached my hand out, and it cut me. 

‘ow’

it was the sharp part of the paper dispenser.

‘that hurt, but it felt nice.’

i reached out for it. i needed it. a release.

‘oh, not again.’

i rolled my sleeve up and placed the edge of the metal against my arm, the coldness making me shiver with a bit of excitement. 

‘oh no.’ 

a clear line horizontally across my arm.

‘oh dear, what am i gonna do.’

the blood started forming, bits of red starts to trickle down my arm. 

‘ah, that felt nice.’

again, again and again. 

‘oh i ran out of space.’

i put the blade down, rolling my other sleeve up as the blood on my left arm starts to drip onto the hard concrete floor. 

“kenma what’s taking you so lon-“ 

‘oh no.’ 

“kenma. i thought you stopped”

‘it’s kuroo.’

‘he’ll think i’m a monster.’

‘run.’

-

i got up from my spot, ready to run past him until he grabbed my left arm.

i winced as him grip got tighter. 

“LET GO!” i said, trying to yank my arm away. 

“NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHY.” he snapped back

“BECAUSE I LIKE YOU AND ITS WRONG FOR A GUY TO LIKE A GUY.”

‘oh no.’

“i really am a monster.” i chuckled. 

‘when did it all change.’ i thought.


	2. tell me, was i ever enough? - haikyuu angst week DAY 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; panic attacks, implied suicidal thoughts, and suicide

(bokuaka) 

TW: PANIC ATTACKS, IMPLIED SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, AND SUICIDE!

beep beep, beep beep, wake up wake up

akaashi groans, rolling around his bed, hitting the snooze button on his phone. 

‘just five more minutes.’ he thought, dozing back to sleep.

incoming voice message from “bokuto koutaro”, ‘beeep’ 

“akaashi!! Where are you? You missed morning practice today! I was so lonely without you, well not really, Konoha and Yamato was keeping me occupied, They even stayed to let me get some extra hits! But it’s different without our super duper cool setter! Uhm, I hope you’re okay, I’ll see you at lunch?” 

‘end of message, to return home pres-‘

akashi groans once more, opening his phone up to check what time it was and maybe perhaps call Bokuto back.

6:50am

He had 20 minutes to get ready and get to school.

-

beep beep, beep beep, wake up, wake up. 

akaashi stops his alarm, groggily sitting himself up against the bed, opening his phone to check the time.

Sunday, Nov 15 2020. 8:30 pm. 

he walks to the bathroom, fixing his hair and gown, then doing his usual morning routine and to the living room he goes. 

“Good morning, Akaashi. Nice to see you’re doing well.” said a voice that he didn’t bother pinning a name on. 

grabbing his pills, he went back to his room, sitting in front of the large window, displaying the beautiful snow that was outside. 

Akaashi had always liked snow. It was beautiful, shiny, and it mutes everything around it. It calmed him down. 

-

running down the stairs, Akashi trips over his pants and tumbles down the stairs. 

‘ow’

getting up, he grabbed a piece of toast and ran out the door, ignoring the note that was next to the breakfast. 

running with his tie half done, hair messed, and a piece of toast in his mouth had not been exactly easy, especially with all the glares everyone was giving him while he was running. 

how improper. 

finally, he got to the school, right on time too. he couldn’t find bokuto though. bokuto wasn’t waiting by the gates like normally when akaashi was late. he wasn’t here

tilting his head, confused as to why the usual positive and loud captain wasn’t here to greet him, he looked around, no one was there. 

he couldn’t worry about that now, he had classes to get to. wouldn’t want his perfect grades and attendance spoiled or he would indeed, be a shame to the family.

-lunch-

akaashi went out of his classroom. once again, expecting the loud and cheery captain to greet him by the door. 

he wasn’t there.

‘where is he today, maybe i should call him.’

grabbing his phone out, he clicked on the bokuto's contact.

beep… beeep… the number you’ve dialled is not available right now, please try again later. beep. 

‘that’s odd, he just called me this morning.’ he thought, clicking bokuto’s contact once more. 

beep… beeep… the number you’ve dialled is not available right now, please try again later. beep. 

‘maybe i’ll ask konoha where bokuto is.’ he thought, walking up the stairs to the third year’s level. 

“uhm, excuse me? is konoha here?” he asks, knocking the door. 

“hm? yea, hold on. yo konoha! second year, black hair, blue eyes, outside for you!” the guy said waving at konoha.

“hey what’s up ‘kaashi?” konoha says, leaning against the frame of the door. 

“i was wondering where bokuto-san is. he called me this morning, asking me why i wasn’t here for morning practice, i tried to call back but his number wouldn’t work.” he said gesturing his phone that had bokuto’s contact on it.

“oh. kaashi, i think you forgot again.” konoha said quietly, putting his hand on the confused boy’s shoulder.

“let’s go to the club room, yea?” 

“okay.” 

following konoha, he felt like something was wrong, out of place. was it because bokuto was absent today? reaching to the club room, konoha slid the door open, opening bokuto’s locker. revealing something he couldn’t believe he forgot. 

‘oh. i forgot again.’ 

“you remember now? bokuto didn’t call you today. he never did. he called 5 months ago.” konoha said, closing the door. 

“no, he called today, i heard it. i heard his voice. he said ‘akaashi!! Where are you? You missed morning practice today! I was so lonely without you, well not really, Konoha and Yamato was keeping me occupied, They even stayed to let me get some extra hits! But it’s different without our super duper cool setter! Uhm, I hope you’re okay, I’ll see you at lunch’. and those exact words too!.” 

akaashi raised his voice a little, knowing the cold hard truth but denying it. he couldn’t. he can’t. he, himself does not want to remember the truth. 

“hey akaashi, it’s fine. we all forget stuff sometimes.” konoha said, trying to comfort akaashi when he snapped back. 

“no! you’re lying! everyone is lying! i heard him! his voice! his cheery voice that woke me up today! the one that always had our backs, and ours his.” he said, backing up, and hitting the wall. making him flinch.

“no, no, no, no, no.”hyperventilating, he grabbed his hair, his other hand hitting his head, as he sat against the wall. 

“hey akaashi, calm down! akaashi? akaashi stay with me!” konoha’s voice screamed out.

’so peaceful. quiet. it’s so calm. i wanna stay here forever.’ he thought, loosing his consciousness.

-

“so akaashi, what are you gonna do today?” the person wearing a white lab coat seated infront of akaashi asked. disturbing the peace and quiet that he once had when he was looking at nature’s portrait. ’

snow owl’ was what he named it. 

“probably visit him so i don’t forget again.” he replied, not turning his head to view the person he probably won’t be seeing once he decides to man up and kill himself. 

“good, that’s good. you’re improving y’know. take it slow. one step at a time. i’ll let the nurse know that you’re allowed to go out without supervision today.” the person said, jotting some notes down, standing up and leaving him alone. 

getting up, he covered himself with a sweater and a jacket, with some sweats. informing the nurse he was gonna be allowed outside without supervision, and asking her for some money.

‘ah, freedom. how i’ve missed you.’ he thought, stepping outside of the facility and walking to the bus stop, right as the bus rolled up. 

walking on to the bus, he gave the driver the exact change for his journey there. seated next to the window seat, he continued to admire the beauty of nature. 

“next stop, kanto cemetery. kanto cemetery.” a robotic voice said. akaashi standing up, thanking the driver as he exits the bus, walking towards the cemetery. 

“hey bokuto-san. i’m tired. do you mind if i just lay next to you for a while?” he asks, standing over the headstone with the name “Bokuto Koutaro” engraved onto it. 

“thanks.” he said, taking his jacket off, laying on top of it next to bokuto.

“life’s been hard. i think i might just. just sleep next to you.” he said turning his body to look at bokuto.

‘ah, it’s cold. but it’s calm, quiet. i like it.’ he thought, closing his eyes, and smiling. 

“akaashi, wake up!” bokuto smiles, looking down at him.

“bokuto-san.” akaashi said, opening his eyes. 

“tell me, was i ever enough?” he asks, reaching his hand out for bokuto. 

“you were all i ever needed.” bokuto says, taking his hand. 

\- epilogue -

“it’s been a while, nurse, can you go to kanto cemetery to check on akaashi?” the doctor asks.

“sure.” she replied, grabbing a jacket and walking out the facility.

walking to the bus station, getting onto the bus, seated near the window. quietly stuck in her thoughts. 

“next stop, kanto cemetery. kanto cemetery.” a robotic voice said.

the nurse getting up, giving a small bow to the driver before exiting. walking towards the cemetery.

‘is that akaashi?’ she thought.

“akaashi! it’s late! let’s go back!” she yelled, hoping to catch his attention. 

nothing. no response.

“akaashi! can you hear me??” she said once more, walking towards the man that was laying next to the headstone.

“akaashi, wake up.” she said shaking him a little.

“akaashi?” afraid that it happened, she reached his neck to check his pulse.

‘cold. he’s been here for hours.’ she thought, hoping that there’s a pulse.

nothing. nothing at all. no pulse.

‘oh no, oh my god.’ she thought, one hand covering her mouth, trying her best not to cry, while the other hand retracted to her phone, calling 911.

“hello, this is 911, how may i help you?” the dispatcher says.

“i would like to report a death, maybe possible suicide at the kanto cemetery.” she said, choking on her cries. 

-

“hey akaashi?” bokuto asks, turning his head to him. 

“yes? bokuto-san?” akaashi responded.

“do you regret your choice?” he asks, gripping his hand a big tighter, afraid that if he let go, he might disappear.

“never. i’ll do it again if it’s to be with you in the after life.” akaashi smiled. hugging bokuto. 

“i can’t help but feel selfish. that i made you do this.” bokuto said, hugging akaashi back.

“no, i did this entirely on my own bokuto-san.” akaashi said. his voice muffled from nuzzling against bokuto’s neck.


	3. i can't lose you too- haikyuu angst week DAY 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; homophobia, name-calling, possible suicide

(iwaoi) TW; HOMOPHOBIA, NAME-CALLING, POSSIBLE SUICIDE

“smile!” oikawa said, snapping his camera at iwaizumi.

“oikawa stop shoving that camera in my face! i shouldn’t have gotten it for your birthday,” he said, rubbing his neck as he looked away from the giant camera that was shoved into his face.

“you know you can call me tooru right? and besides this is the best gift i’ve ever gotten in my entire life~” oikawa smiled, setting the camera down and tossing himself to iwaizumi.

oikawa toru, 27, a broke photographer who was disowned by his family due to his sexuality, occupying his boyfriend’s place. 

iwaizumi hajime, 27, athletic trainer who currently have a milk-bread loving parasite boyfriend occupying his 1 bedroom apartment.

“yea i know, but I’ve been calling you shittykawa since forever, shitty tooru won’t feel the same” he chuckles, hugging him back before oikawa pushed him away. 

“now that’s just mean!” oikawa said, puffing his cheeks and turning away. 

“fine don’t talk to me. guess i get to have all the milk bread to myself then,” iwaizumi said, opening the bag filled with milk bread.

“mmm suga really does love you if he took the time out of his day to make all these for you.” he said, opening one of the packages.

oikawa raised his ear, hearing the plastic crinkling and iwaizumi purposely making the ‘ahhh’ sound as he takes a bite.

“okay okay fine!” he said turning back to his tan boyfriend, his mouth biting into the same spot iwaizumi bit.

“hey! get your own milk bread!” iwaizumi said, kicking the browned hair man, who surprisingly still acts like a child sometimes.

“mmf!” oikawa groaned, falling on his side.

“the godzilla has killed the king!” he said, dramatically putting the back of his hand to his forehead. 

“why am i with you.”

“because i’m the only one that can take photos this well. and who’s gonna be with you if i’m not?” oikawa smiled leaning against iwaizumi, looking up at him.

“valid point,” he said, going down to give oikawa a kiss on the cheek.  
-

gasping, oikawa woke up in cold sweat, looking around his surroundings, making sure he wasn’t back in the basement again. 

“hey. hey, it’s fine. you’re here. with me. you’re with your boyfriend who loves you more than life itself.” iwaizumi sat up, after hearing the noises oikawa made. holding his hand.

“yea. i’m. i’m fine. i’m not down there. i’m here. with you. with iwaizumi hajime. my boyfriend.” he said holding his hand tightly, slowly breathing in and out. 

the night was quiet, peaceful some might say. the only thing you could hear was oikawa’s breathing.

in, and out. in, and out. 

“y’know, i’m always here if you want to talk abo-“ cut off by the brown-haired men, who once again, seemed like a scared 16 year old boy sitting there with his hands trembling rather than a 27 year old man. 

“no.”

“i know what you’re going to say, i know you care, and i love that, but no. i can’t. it’s just. n-“

“that’s fine too,” iwaizumi said, holding his hand even tighter. 

“thank you,” he replied, leaning against his boyfriend’s back. 

‘he’s so cold. i’m sure he’s been eating while i was away,,, right?’ iwaizumi thought, leaning back so they both of them are cuddling each other, although the only warmth that was emitting from this was iwaizumi.  
-

“bye godzilla! have a good day at work!” oikawa said, waving to his boyfriend from the living room as iwaizumi stuck his tongue out and closed the door on him. 

‘ah, still not a morning person i see.’ he smiled, sipping his coffee while reading ‘the sky and guilt are the only feelings i have left’ once more. 

(WHICH I RECOMMEND TO EVERYONE IT IS A BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN FANFIC WHICH I MYSELF HAVE READ MULTIPLE TIMES, THE STORY IS WELL MADE AND IT GIVES ME CHILLS EVERY TIME I REREAD IT.)

closing his book, he looks out the window, the morning dew and the sun was always a beautiful scene. the sun hitting that certain angle; which oikawa still hadn’t figured out how the sun was able to make the entire scene tick.

‘ah, there it is. he thought as once again, the sun hits a certain angle, reflecting off all the tiny droplets of water that was on the grass, making it look like there were diamonds in the ground rather than grass.

click.

“better than any jewel on the mortal earth,” he said, reviewing the photo he had just taken. 

click.

‘in the click of a button from this machine, i was able to capture an image. how wonderful is that? humans have evolved.’ he thought, reviewing what he just took, cringing that it was a picture of nothing but his coffee mug.

well, what can he expect, he was just fooling around with the camera, there was no need for oikawa to go out to the real world, to contribute to society like the rest of the population. 

click, click, click.

more snaps, more pictures, more memories made from inside this small apartment. 

‘hopefully, i can go there one day.’ he thought looking up from his camera and looking dead ahead to the two mountains displayed for him each day.

the misty top of the mountains, from far it may look like two grey mountains, but oikawa know’s there’s so much more. always zooming into the camera, using it as a spyglass to view the mountain’s scenery. longing to go there one day. 

the only thing stopping him was, well, nothing. not that you readers will be interested in anyway. 

the entire day, all you could hear was the clicking noises and the flashing of oikawa’s new camera that iwaizumi had given him. walking around the house, capturing anything that caught his interest.  
-

“i’m home alien!” iwaizumi called out, putting his shoes back into the shoe rack. 

“alien?” he called out once more, walking to their bedroom to find a brown-haired, milk bread loving boyfriend, wearing nothing but his old volleyball shirt with camera in hand.

iwaizumi taking his phone out, snapping a picture of his boyfriend, with messy hair, drool on the side of his mouth, his hands hugging onto the camera.

“smile,” he said, snapping a picture of him. 

‘i’d do anything for you to be happy again.’ he thought, sitting next to the tired out doofus that is his boyfriend. 

“same,” oikawa mumbles in his sleep, unconsciously rubbing against iwaizumi.

’still as clingy as ever.’ iwaizumi smiled. stroking his hair.  
-

‘you’re a sin. a mistake.’

‘no one will love you.’

‘you’re disgusting.’

‘you’re not my son. my son is dead.’

‘i don’t have a brother anymore.’

‘stay down here until you’ve reflected on what you are, and is ready to apologize for making a joke about this.’ he said, throwing his own son down the dark and cold basement. slamming the door on him, and locking it. 

kenji oikawa, oikawa’s dad. extremely religious, and extremely homophobic. he believes that men are supposed to work while women are born to please men.

chioko oikawa, oikawa’s mother. not as religious, still very homophobic. she has no say in anything anymore. her husband, made her realize that she was only born to serve men, and only men. 

shikonora oikawa, oikawa’s older sister. religious enough to be homophobic to his own blood brother. following in her father’s footsteps in fear that if she denies anything he asks for, she too will be thrown into a basement for weeks.

‘i hope you die in a fire.’ shikinora said through the door, kicking it sometimes to scare her little brother. 

days. oikawa was left there for days. until his mother thought it was enough, that his punishment was over. unlocking the door, and being his son’s saviour. his eyes weren’t sparkling anymore, instead, it was a dull, sad brown colour. soulless eyes staring at her. his mouth was dry, and he seemed to have lost some muscle. it ached his mother to see her beautiful boy like this. 

although oikawa’s punishment was over, his mother’s had just begun. 

“you stupid slut! i knew i shouldn’t have married you! how can you obey me?! i’m the one who rules the house.” 

slap, slap, slap. 

fall.

cries for help.

a daily occurrence in the oikawa household ever since oikawa was let out of the basement. his father and sister not paying attention to him, his mother trying to help him, but always failed.  
-

oikawa once again, wakes up drenched in a layer of cold sweat, sitting up, realizing that he was in iwaizumi’s arm.

‘i’m safe. i’m not a bad person. i can’t control who i love.’ he thought, hugging his legs in.

‘i’m not a sin, not a mistake, i am oikawa toru, i’m not a bad boy, i’m a good boy, i listen to what everyone has to say, i’m not bad. i’m not bad. i’m not bad.’

“i’m not bad, i’m not bad, i’m not bad, i’m not bad, i’m not bad” oikawa mutters, shaking back and forth, waking iwaizumi up from the amount of movements made on the bed.

“you’re not. you’re the best person i’ve ever met. and people who say you’re bad just haven’t discovered what a beautiful human being you are. too bad they never will. well, more for me.” iwaizumi said, engulfing oikawa in a hug.  
-

click, click, click, click

it was the next morning. iwaizumi had gone out for work, while oikawa is, well, collecting memories once again. 

‘these babies are gonna be beautiful.’

‘hm let’s try making some words with the magnets on the fridge and taking them.’ he thought, already arranging the words. words becoming sentences. the last sentence being. ‘i love you. always.’, quickly snapping a picture of them, and some paper hearts he made. 

oikawa was lost in time, taking so many pictures, scenery, objects, himself, plants, that he didn’t realize iwaizumi was about to come home. 

“i’m home milk bread men!” iwaizumi called out, “and i got more milk bread per your request!” he called out once more, holding a bag of milk bread up. 

“hi!” oikawa said, jumping onto iwaizumi, giving him a giant hug.

“woah hey, what’s with the giant hug right in front of the door? i didn’t even get to take my shoes off.” he chuckles, hugging him back.

“mmmm nothing” oikawa said, looking up at his boyfriend, smiling, “just realized how grateful i am to have you.” he said, hugging him tighter. 

“okay don’t get all sentimental, it’s not like you’re going to die.” iwaizumi chuckled a bit, hoping that oikawa isn’t dying from some disease he hadn’t told him about. 

“so you gonna eat the milk bread?” he asked after they’ve been hugging for what felt like an eternity. not that iwaizumi had mind at all, he was just getting a bit tired of standing in front of the door. 

“oh yea, let’s eat.” oikawa said, unleashing his arms around the slightly taller man, and grabbing the bag of milk bread, and walking towards the kitchen.

‘he’s so pretty.’ iwaizumi thought, staring at oikawa’s every movement. 

“you coming or are you gonna keep standing there with drool on your mouth?” oikawa laughed, staring at his daydreaming boyfriend.

“hm? yea coming,” he said wiping the drool off his mouth and taking his shoes and coat off, not bothering to hang or put the shoes back properly.

-  
“so i was thinking, can you print out my photos tomorrow after work? i wanna tape them around our apartment,” oikawa asked, taking a bite into his milk bread. 

“sure, but why are you taping them around the apartment? the apartment looks good right now,” iwaizumi said, pouring some water into oikawa’s alien cup. suddenly smelling something foul, cringing at the smell, but ignoring it. 

“iwaizumi, have you see the house?” oikawa said, giving him an unamused look. 

“yes, and it looks great right?” iwaizumi asked, sitting next to oikawa. 

“the white walls are blank, there’s a godzilla poster in our bedroom and a random stain on the ceiling of our living room,” oikawa said, pointing at the stain. 

“okay fine, mr. interior designer.” 

“thank you.” oikawa smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek.  
-

“see ya later alligator!” oikawa waved goodbye to his lover.

“goodbye alien obsessed boyfriend,” iwaizumi said, slamming the door at him as a joke. 

‘that was rather harsh.’ oikawa smiled. 

proceeding his daily routine of taking pictures until he’s lost the time once again.

‘i’m kinda hungry, let me make some food for iwaizumi and myself.’ he said turning on the stove.

suddenly, the stove exploded, his hand getting in the way of the collision, sending oikawa back and hitting his head on the counter, making him loose consciousness. 

“oikawa! i’m hom-“ iwaizumi stopped his tracks, seeing his lover in a pit of fire, his head bleeding, unconscious, with a burned hand. 

’no, no, no, no, no.’ 

rushing over, ignoring the heat of the fire, he picked oikawa up and ran out the door, pulling on the emergency fire alarm on the way out.

“someone call 911!” he yelled, rushing down the stairs with the unconscious oikawa and surprisingly, the stack of photos too. 

reaching down the stairs and out the building, he was greeted with the ambulance and the firetrucks. (if only it was this fast in america TwT) 

“are you his friend?” the paramedic asked as she strapped oikawa on to the stretcher, putting an oxygen mask over him. 

“yea, i’m the closest one to him.”

“okay, i’ll need you to come with me then, and, are you injured yourself sir?” she asks, gesturing to his bloody hand. 

iwaizumi wiping the blood off his hand and the photos that are still intact. 

“no, that’s, that’s my friend’s blood,” he said, holding in his tears.  
-

on the way to the hospital was probably the most nerve recking. iwaizumi holding the love of his life’s hand, his entire life, no, both their entire life, their friendship flashing before him.

he can’t lose him. 

suddenly, oikawa starts spasming, the heart monitor beeping rapidly. 

“iwaizumi-san, stay back,” she said, grabbing a syringe filled with liquid from the cabinet above him, and injecting it right into oikawa’s arm. 

beeeeeeeep.

no. this is not happening. 

“starting with 100 volts, and, charge,” she said, charging the defibrillator, trying to bring him back to life.

“again.”

“again.”

iwaizumi’s eyes dilated. this is not happening.

“again.”

beeeeeeep. 

5 whole minutes. nothing but the sound of the defibrillator, and the heart monitor’s wrenching long beep.

“iwaizumi-san, i, i’m sorry for your lost,” she said sitting back, putting the defibrillator underneath her seat. 

“time of death, 2020, september 14th, 20:04 pm.” 

“oikawa. please, i can’t lose you too. please.” he said, as tears started rolling off his cheeks, holding onto oikawa’s hand. 

“please. please. please tell me this isn’t true and it’s just some sick joke. that you’re alive.” iwaizumi said, choking on his cries, holding his hand even tighter.

“please, come back. i really. really. can’t lose you. come back. oikawa. please.” iwaizumi said, kissing his lover’s hand, his face, red and puffed up with tear stains. 

\- one year later -

iwaizumi, 28, photographer, currently moving into his new home. 

‘i don’t think i’ve ever opened this box before.’ he thought, looking at the strange pink box, opening it to find pictures. dozen and dozen of pictures that he himself did not take. 

one of them having words on it. 

‘i’m sorry iwa-chan, i love you, always. -oikawa toru’

‘oh.’ iwaizumi thought, covering his hand with his mouth, tears dripping on either side of his cheeks. 

“i forgive you oikawa.” he said, looking up, hoping oikawa heard him.


	4. i wish this never happened- haikyuu angst week DAY 4

(akaken)

some might say opposites were born to attract, and while they are right, they never said the relationship was going to be successful. 

this happened with kenma x kuroo, and bokuto x akaashi.

never in a million years did they think the two loudest boyfriends in the world would get together and leave them.

well, at least they know promise rings don’t mean shit.   
-

“so what now. are you going to break up with us?” kenma asked, sitting down the carpeted floor, leaning against akaashi’s legs.

“well, uhm, i don’t know.” said a stuttering bokuto on his boyfriend’s lap, not kenma’s. his.

“fine.” akaashi spoke, the rest of the boys looking up to him, not expecting him to speak out in such odd situation. 

“kenma get up. we’re leaving these dimwits.” akaashi said, pulling kenma up by the arm, making the shorter boy stumble a bit and hit akaashi’s chest.

“oh ok.” he said, slowly retracting to hide behind akaashi. 

“and i guess we won’t be needing these anymore.” akaashi said, harshly yanking the ring on his left ring finger off and throwing it at bokuto, doing the same to kenma’s but throwing it at kuroo.

“let’s go.” akaashi said, grabbing kenma’s arm and yanking him out of the apartment.  
-

“am i supposed to feel sad?” kenma asked, giving akaashi a tissue box as he continues to cry.

“i. don’t. i. don’t. know.” akaashi said between sniffles, his heart aching every time he thought about bokuto being with kuroo rather than him.

the tiny house usually only had the sound of video games bouncing off the walls, but now it’s a different story. the house was filled with sobs and cries.

“shhh, it’ll be fine. we’ll be fine. we don’t need those two giant piece of meat anyways.” kenma said, sitting down on the coach next to akaashi, leaning against him and rubbing his arm as he continued to cry.

“why. why him. why can’t it be me?” he cried, choking on his own saliva a bit.

“i don’t know.”

“am i too ugly? is that why? is it because i’m too skinny and kuroo has more build than i do?” akaashi asked, turning to kenma.

“hey.” kenma said, cupping both of akaashi’s cheeks. 

“you’re beautiful. and if bokuto doesn’t realize that, then that’s his own fault. i love every part of you. even the ones you don’t love yourself.” kenma smiles, leaning his forehead against akaashi’s, then giving him a kiss on the forehead, one on the nose, hesitating on weather if he should kiss him on the lips or his cheeks. 

well, akaashi had decided that for him when he leaned in for an open kiss. still choking on his cries, kenma pushed him back a little so he could get some air in. 

“hey, let’s not do that. not when you’re going through a breakup. kay?” said a blushing kenma holding akaashi back with his hands on his shoulder, looking down.

“okay.” akaashi said crying a bit more as he lays on kenma’s lap, his face in front of kenma’s sweater. 

“it’s ok. let it all out. we’ll be fine” kenma said, stroking akaashi’s hair to the side.

the night was filled with sobs and whimpers.   
-

‘my back hurts’ kenma thought, opening his eyes, quickly remembering what had happened yesterday. 

looking down on his lap was a tear stained, black haired boy.

his features seemed to have softened while he was sleeping. 

‘my hoodie’s all wet.’ kenma realized, cringing at the discomfort. 

“akaashi.” kenma said softly, poking his cheek a little.

“kaashi.” he said again, poking his stomach that was shown a bit.

‘still out like an owl. guess you’re nocturnal like me.’ he smiled at the thought of how much they were both alike, but so different at the same time. 

carefully moving akaashi’s head, kenma stood up, stretching his back a bit and walked towards his room, grabbing a blanket and pillow for akaashi. 

“don’t leave.” akaashi mumbled in his sleep, a single tear rolling down his cheek, as kenma covered him with a blanket. 

“i won’t.” he said, kissing his temple, and sitting next to him.

‘what time is it even.’ he thought, looking up on his cat clock.

7:00 am

‘we can skip a day. it’ll be fine.’ kenma thought, standing up to make some coffee and perhaps a breakfast.  
-

the smell of fried eggs and dark roasted coffee woke keiji up. groggily sitting up on the coach, looking around at his surroundings until he realized he was in kenma’s house.

still a little sad about what had happened yesterday, he ran his hand through his hair, standing up to walk to the kitchen where he presumed kenma would be.

“morning.” kenma said, handing him a cat mug filled with coffee while he was seated at the tiny dining table. his glasses sort of sliding off his nose, reading the news paper.

“morning.” keiji said, holding the cup of coffee as he took a seat across him, the breakfast neatly displayed to him. a french toast, some strawberries cut into little hearts, and a bit of syrup on the side. 

cutting the french toast, he began to put strawberries on his toast, and pouring some syrup on it. 

“do you feel better now?” kenma asked, looking up from his newspaper, folding it and tossing it on the chair next to him. 

“yea, a lot more.” keiji said, biting into his toast. 

“good. good. i told our professors that we won’t be attending to class today due to private issues. so you’re coming with me to get the new game that was just released.” kenma said, grabbing the pot of coffee that was in the middle of the table and pouring some in his cup.

“oh okay.” akaashi said, taking another sip of his coffee.

“i’m gonna go wash up, i have some clothes for you here. they’re in my bedroom. tell me if they don’t fit.” kenma said, standing up to walk to the bathroom.   
-

walking into the bathroom, kenma locked the door. looking at himself in the mirror, holding his tears in. knowing that if he cries, then it will never come to an end. 

‘breathe. in and out. in and out’ he thought, slowly breathing and avoiding to let himself to have a good cry instead.

“it’s fine. everything’s fine.” he smiled, and proceeded to take a shower and brush his teeth.  
-

still eating, akaashi tried to recall everything that had happened yesterday. from the ‘breakup’ to him crying. 

‘wait. did i kiss kenma?’ he thought, choking on his food as his face grew a bit red.

“are you okay?” kenma asked, walking into the dining room with just towel on his lower half and one sitting on top of his head to let his hair dry.

akaashi, glowing more red as his eyes widened at his half naked friend, never knowing how he maintains his abs when all he does is sit in his gaming chair streaming all day.

“y…yea.” keiji said, hitting his chest a bit and taking a sip of the coffee. 

“since you’re still eating, i’ll get changed first. just leave the plates here, i’ll deal with them later.” kenma said, walking down the hallway leading straight to his bedroom.

“‘kay.” keiji said, finishing up the last of his strawberries and wiping his mouth. 

walking to kenma’s room, he knocked. “kenma, can i use your shower real quick?”

“yea sure there’s a new toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink and new towels next to it if you need it.” 

“okay, thanks”  
-

after a shower, all dressed and feeling a bit better, kenma and akaashi heads to the train station. 

akaashi coughing a bit as they walked to the train station, but ignored it. 

getting on the train, they took a seat. sitting quietly, with a few more coughs akaashi had, kenma decided to ask if he was okay, patting him on the back, soothing his coughs a bit.

“yea, i’ve just been coughing a lot lately, but it’s fine.” he coughed a bit more.

“we’ll get you some water when we get there.” kenma said, now rubbing his arm.

“hey, random question. did we kiss yesterday night?” akaashi said, sitting back straight after coughing for a while.

“uh, yea. you remembered?” kenma asked, looking down the floor, his face turning red at the thought of keiji leaning in and kissing him. 

“oh. we didn’t do anything else did we?” akaashi said, coughing a bit more again.

“no, i stopped us before things got a little handsy.” kenma said, using his peripheral vision to see if keiji was ok. 

“oh okay, thanks.” akaashi said, his voice starting to become a little hoarse from all the coughing. 

“arriving at sumida city mall, arriving at sumida city mall” the announcer said, as akaashi sat up, holding his hand out for kenma.

“thanks.” he said, standing up. both exiting at the same time.

“is the air thinner here? i’m having a hard time breathing.” akaashi said, stopping and squatting, taking a big inhale of air, while kenma sniffed the air a bit.

“no, not really, feels the same to me.” he said, sniffing once more.

“are you sure you’re okay? we can go home if you want.” kenma said, putting his hand on keiji’s back, rubbing it while he took a few big inhales.

“no, no it’s fine. you have to get your game right? i’m not gonna spoil this day for you just because my immune system is a little weak.” keiji said, standing up and continuing to walk towards the mall. 

“you coming?” he said, turning his head to kenma.

“yea.” he smiled, running up to catch up with keiji.  
-

entering the mall, akaashi held back a few coughs, not wanting to worry kenma more than he already is.

navigating through the giant mall took them around 10 minutes, since they always had bokuto and kuroo to do the shopping and errands for them. after a while, they finally found the game store.

kenma squatting down a bit, searching for the game he wanted. after a while he found it, along with some cute matching cat keychains, a calico cat on one and a cute orange cat on the other. 

“that would be 25.76, and how would you like to pay?” the cashier asked, bagging the matching cat keychains and the game.

“credit card.” kenma responded, as the cashier gestured at the machine.

beeep 

“thank you for shopping at EBgames, come back soon!” the cashier said, handing kenma the bag. 

walking out the store, kenma walked up to akaashi, who decided to sit down since he was having a hard time breathing, and nudged him a bit.

“got what you want?” he asks, standing up.

“yea. and here.” kenma said, grabbing akaashi’s hand and shoving the orange cat keychain into his hand.

“what’s this?” keiji asked, holding the keychain up.

“a cat keychain. i have the other one.” he said, holding up the calico one

“cute.” keiji smiled.

“i know right? now we have cute matching ones.” kenma replied, holding his up next to keijis.

“thanks i’ll treasure it forev-“ keiji said, stopping mid sentence as he had to cough again, now coughing a lot harder, even coughing up some blood.

kenma and akaashi looked terrified, his hand had blood on it. akaashi coughed up blood. a lot of it too.

“akaashi turn to me.” kenma said, as akaashi turned and squatted a little for the shorter boy to look.

“you have blood all over your mouth. we’re going to the hospital. no, i’m forcing you to go to the hospital.” kenma said, grabbing akaashi’s wrist and dragging him out the mall, ordering an uber to the nearest hospital.

-at the hospital after akaashi’s checkup-

“so, this sounds bad, which it is. but akaashi-san, you have lung cancer.” the doctor said, holding akaashi’s file in his hand.

it was silent for a second, akaashi blinking blankly, trying to see if he heard that correctly. 

“i’m sorry i have wh-“ interrupted by a numerous amount of coughs once again, this time with more blood.

“lung cancer, and it’s late diagnosed so there really isn’t much we can do anymore. the only choice you have currently is whether you wanna rest up here, or at home with your family.

kenma cringing at the word ‘rest up’, probably meaning he has the option to either die here or in his own home. 

“how?” kenma asked. 

“well, looking at his file, and his families, it seems that this is hereditary, but since it was late diagnosed, we can’t really do much about it.” the doctor said, closing and tossing the file on his desk, leaning against his chair.

“akaashi, i’m gonna send you home with some pain killers but that’s as much as we can do. you have around 4-5 days left. and things will start getting worse from here.” the doctor said, writing some prescriptions for akaashi to get later on.

“thank you doctor.” akaashi said, standing up and giving him a bow, kenma doing the same as they left. 

-day 1 -

“how are you feeling?” kenma asks, fixing the blankets on akaashi.

“okay so far, but are you sure it’s okay for me to use your bed? and stay here?” akaashi asks, coughing a bit more as kenma gives him a baby blue handkerchief to cough in. 

“yes, it’s fine. i woudn’t want you staying in your house all alone until someone found you.” kenma said, not wanting to imagine what would’ve happened if akaashi hadn’t stayed over. maybe he would’ve been in bed, struggling to even get up. maybe he would be dead. 

cringing at the thought of that, kenma sits on the bed next to akaashi.

“tell me if you need anything, i’ll be in the gaming room if you need me. if you don’t want to talk, that’s fine too. just click on this annoying button lev got me last year.” kenma said, giving akaashi a button with the sentence: “kenma’s the best” on it. 

“okay. thank you.” akaashi smiled, coughing into the handkerchief once more.

“goodnight.” kenma said, kissing his forehead and touching their foreheads together.

“goodnight.” akaashi said, kissing kenma on the cheek.

-day 2-

“how’s the pain? do you want the pills?” kenma asked as he walked in the room with akaashi’s dinner, setting it on the bedside table and sitting on the bed, moving pieces of his hair aside.

“it’s… tolerable. i can manage it for a while.” akaashi smiled, grabbing kenma’s hand that was cupping his cheeks now. rubbing circles on the back on kenma’s hand to calm him down a bit. 

“ahhh” kenma said, telling akaashi to open his mouth as he fed him.

“does it taste okay? i’ve never made chicken noodle soup before.” kenma said, scratching his head a bit. 

“it tastes delicious.” akaashi smiled, opening his mouth again.

“good to know.” kenma smiled, feeding him again. 

-day 3-

“kenma’s the best. kenma’s the best.” akaashi clicked the button as kenma walked into the room, a little out of breath probably from rushing out.

“are you okay? is the pain getting to you?” kenma asked, kneeling on the ground, holding akaashi’s hand as he nodded.

“okay, i’ll get the pills for you.” kenma said, exiting the room, to grab the pills.

“here, wash it down with water.” kenma said, handing akaashi the bottle of pills, watching him take it and drinking some water afterwards.

“thanks.” akaashi smiled, his voice getting worse from the coughing fits he had last night.

-day 4- 

“akaashi, can i call you by your given name?” kenma asked, folding his handkerchief neatly, and handing akaashi his pills.

“yea. i don’t know why you don’t call be by it already.” keiji smiled, swallowing the pills.

“i don’t know either.” kenma smiled, standing up to exit the room for keiji to have some time alone for himself.

“wait. kenma, can you sleep with me tonight?” keiji asked, trying to sit against the bed frame.

“yea sure.” kenma said, walking back, helping keiji sit up. 

“don’t strain yourself too hard.” kenma said, going under the covers.

“woah, you’re so cold.” kenma said as his leg accidentally touches keiji’s.

“i’m always cold so it’s fine.” keiji said, laying back down.

that was the end of their conversation for their night. both of them close to each other, sleeping in the same bed.

-day 5- 

kenma groans, turning his face towards keiji. 

“good morning keiji.” kenma smiled, pushing a few strands of hair out of his face.

“keiji?” kenma sat up. putting his ear on his friend’s chest. 

no heartbeat. there’s no thumping.

getting scared, he brings his finger up to his nose, checking if he’s breathing.

no air is getting blown on his finger. 

’no.’ he thought, his hand shaking, going onto his neck, checking his pulse.

no pulse. nothing.

“keiji wake up.” kenma said, shaking him a little. 

no reaction.

“no. please. don’t go. keiji. please don’t go.” kenma said, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks, his hands in fists as he hits the mattress.

“please. keiji. don’t leave me. not yet. this is too soon.” he cried, sniffing a bit as he continued to shake keiji a bit.

“please. keiji. please.” kenma slowly stopping, knowing nothing will bring him back now. he sat properly, next to the body of his best friend of seven years. 

“i wish this never happened. i wish we had a normal life instead. i’m sorry keiji. i’m sorry.” kenma cries. apologizing for everything. for taking all the lovely moments for granted, for not bonding more during training camps or when they had double dates. 

“i’m sorry keiji.” kenma sniffled, wiping his tears away.


	5. did you ever love me? -haikyuu angst week DAY 5

(semiten/ tendo x semi)

realization, hanahaki, did you ever love me?

semi hurled, more blood coming out of his mouth along with the breakfast he ate today.

“are you feeling better?” tendo asked, rubbing semi’s back and tying the front of his hair in a tiny pony tail. 

“yea, but now i’m hungry again” semi smiled, whiping his mouth with his arm, slowly standing up with the help of his lovely boyfriend, tendo.  
-

in the beginning, tendo and semi never worked out, not inside the court or outside. But once they started getting in the groove, tendo being able to his the tosses semi throws at him, things got slightly smoother. There’s still some trouble though, like kendo’s never ending insults about semi’s fashion style, his serve, but they got time to smooth these things over too.   
-

“semi semi! here!” tendo said, tossing a pineapple bread at semi right after they exited the gym’s bathroom. semi moving too slow, he had to dive for the bread,. at least being volleyball player had some advantages. 

“jeez you could’ve just handed that to me. now my uniforms covered in dirt.” semi said, standing up and dusting some of the dirt off of him while his hand was holding the bread. 

“heh, it wouldn’t be fun then~” tendo said, putting both his hands on the side of his head, swing his iconic song. 

baki baki ni ore  
nani wo?  
kokoro wo Mayo~  
konagona ni ku dake  
nani wo? 

pointing at semi, “burkku?”

seishin wo dayo~   
“tendo. the rhythm is nice and all but it’s truly creepy if you hear someone ‘baki baki’ while passing the washroom. they’d think you’re a murder or something.” semi chuckled at the thought of tendo running around the school singing that song as he bit into the bread.

“hey! you can bash me all you want but not my song! it’s a masterpiece!” tendo snapped back, crossing his arms. 

“no pineapple bread for you anymore.” tendo smiled, snatching the bread from semi’s hands and taking a giant bite, leving semi having only half the bread left when tendo returned it.

“you had no reason to do that. i legit just threw up.” semi said, taking a bite and jamming his fingers into tendo’s ribcage, making him groan as semi walked faster.

“you’re gonna be late.” semi smiled, turning back at his groaning boyfriend who was hugging his stomach.  
-

‘beautiful and a sadist. i like it.’ tendo smiled, standing up and running up to his boyfriend, giving him a giant hug.

“eek get off you guess monster!” semi said, squirming and shaking, trying to get tendo off of him.

“never!” tendo smiled before semi grabbed one of his arm and flipped him on the ground.

“ack!” tendo coughed after getting the wind knocked out of him. 

“hope you learned your lesson.” semi smiled, reaching a hand out to tendo. 

“yep. yep i did.” tendo smiled, taking his hand.   
-

“coach, i don’t feel very well, is it okay if i sit out for today?” semi asked, as he took a sip from his water bottle.

“fine. but extra pushups once you feel better. we can’t have you slipping during the month of the spring tournament.” coach washijou said, patting the bench seat beside him.

“thank you.” semi said as he was seated beside the coach.

the team practice felt a lot longer when he wasn’t on the court. 

‘was it always this long?’

’time really does fly when you’re having fun.’ semi smiled, taking another sip of water before coughing. 

coach washijou looked over at him, somewhat of an annoying look, and semi got the note, ’to not distract him from perfecting the other members of the team.’

but he could only hold his coughs in for so long before going into a fit of coughs. tendo and shirabu noticing this quickly and rushed over to semi, rubbing his back and giving him a bucket incase he needed to throw up. 

and he did. 

once again, it was blood and some food he had for lunch. 

“coach is it okay if i take semi back to his dorm today. clearly he’s not feeling well.” tendo asked, looking up to the coach as he rubbed semi’s back while he continued to hurl a bit. 

“yes. but you’re coming back right after.” coach said, dismissing them and getting goshiki and reon to clean up some of the blood that got splattered out of the bucket.   
-  
“you’ve been barfing this whole day. are you sure you didn’t eat something wrong yesterday?” tendo asked, pulling the covers up for semi. 

“pretty sure i didn’t eat anything bad. i’d remember if i ate something bad.” semi said, sniffling his nose a bit. 

“ok, well coach needs me to be the perfect guess monster that i am, so rest up ‘kay?” tendo smiled, giving semi a kiss on the cheek

“yes sir.” semi smiled at the small gesture before tendo closed the door to his dorm.  
-

‘ahh, semi is so cute but wakatoshi-kun is more fun.’ tendo thought, skipping down the dorm’s hallway.  
-  
semi got up in the middle of the night, running down the dorms hallway to the bathroom. 

he didn’t make it. 

hurling in front of the bathroom door, he dropped to his knees, taking in some air before hurling more.

this time, having tiny petals of flowers in it. 

tilting his head, he wondered if he ate a plant today, since there’s no other possible answer why there would be flowers in his stomach.

“semi?” a voice said, as semi turned to it.

shirabu.

“are you okay? did you barf again?” shirabu asked, rubbing his eyes and approaching his senpai. 

“yea, i’m fine though. really. i just need to clean this up.” semi said, sniffling and standing up. 

cringing at the foul smell that’s already spreading.

“unless you wanna help clean this up, you should go back to sleep.” semi smiled, ruffling shirabu’s hair. 

“ok then, goodnight.” shirabu said, giving a small bow as he walks back to his dorm.

“goodnight.” semi waved.   
-

“semi semi! wake up!” tendo yelled as he pounded on the door.

grumbling that his sleep was disturbed by a red head, he threw his pencil case at the door. 

“i’ll be there soon!” semi yelled, angry that he didn’t get much sleep in last night. 

tendo taking in the sign that he woke up a grumpy semi, he ran. he ran for his life. he knew how much a grumpy semi can cause chaos all around him. 

shivering at the thought of semi putting him in a choke hold because he pounded on the door today. 

running back in his dorm, he saw wakatoshi-kun reading his shouen jump. 

semi had always said he was childish for reading those, but for wakatoshi-kun to read them. it really brightened up his morning. 

“wa- ka- to- shi- kun~~” tendo said, hugging ushijima from the back.

“hello, welcome back tendo. did you wake up your boyfriend?” ushijima asked, closing the magazine.

“mm yea, he was grumpy i woke him up though.” tendo smiled, “what are you reading?” he asked.

“how to get your eyesight better in one week.” ushijima said, opening up the magazine to show him. 

“wakatoshi-kun~~ you’re supposed to read the content not the advertisements!” tendo laughed.

“oh. i didn’t know that. i will start reading the content after i finish ‘how to get your eyesight better in one week’.” ushijima said, while tendo patted him on the back. 

“okay well i’m gonna change for school now, don’t look~~” tendo said, grabbing his uniform. 

“i won’t.” ushjima said, his eyes glued on the shouen magazine.   
-  
semi finally got up, he looked at the time. 

6:30 

‘and we don’t even have morning practice today.’ semi thought, grumbling that he was woken up so early before getting the feeling to barf again. 

ignoring it, he got ready for school.

opening his door, he couldn’t hold down the urge anymore, quickening his paste to the bathroom, this time finally making it, he kicked open one of the stalls and kelt down.

out of breathe from walking too fast, he slowly breathed in and out before hurling again.

blood, some stomach acid, and petals?

“semi?” shirabu knocked on the door, “are you okay?” he asks, sliding a tissue box under the door.

“yeah good morning, i’m fine thanks.” he replied, taking some of the tissue and wiping his mouth and the toilet seat. flushing the substances down the toilet. 

opening the door to see his kohai, concerned for him. 

“shirabu, have you ever heard of someone barfing up petals and blood?” semi asked, washing his hands and grabbing one of those disposable toothbrushes to brush his teeth, shirabu doing the same.

“no, i don’t think i have.” shirabu replied, putting some toothpaste on his toothbrush and offering semi some. 

“thanks.” semi said, apply some toothpaste to his toothbrush as well while shirabu has started brushing his teeth. “you know how i’ve been barfing out blood?” semi said, putting the toothpaste back in shirabu’s little basket of toiletries.

shirabu humming at what semi said.

“i’ve started barfing out blood and petals.” semi said, starting to brush his teeth as shirabu chokes on the foam, and spits it out.

“WHAT?” shirabu yelled, snapping his head at his senpai, needing a moment to collect himself again, he inhaled and exhaled. “what?” he asked, with a gentler voice this time, 

“yea. strange right?” semi said, spitting out the foam.

“i was thinking we go to the library to figure out what’s wrong with me during lunch. if that’s okay with you.” semi asked, turning to shirabu.

“yea sure.” 

“alright i’ll see you later then.” semi said, walking out of the bathroom smiling, pretending that he didn’t just throw up flower petals and blood.   
-

“is shirabu here?” semi asked, knocking the classroom’s door.

“yea he’s here!” a guy said, waving his hand to tell semi to come over.

“shirabu let’s go.” semi said, walking out the door after he saw shirabu with his head on the desk grumbling at math.

“thank god you yanked me out of there. they would’ve made me do those math worksheets.” he groaned, realizing that he’s gonna do them as homework now that his lunch break was taken.

“you gotta keep up with your grades, we can’t loose a setter when i’m like this.” semi said, ruffling his hair.

“i know.”  
-  
arriving at the library, shirabu and semi asked the librarian if she’s heard of a disease or some sort of illness that makes you barf out blood and flower petals. the librarian directed them to a section called ‘unknown diseases’ and handed them a book. 

‘hanahaki disease, written by poe ludenburg’

opening up the pages, there was already a description about this disease. 

‘hanahaki disease is a disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible if left untreated.’

“what.” semi spoke, rereading what he just saw.

“but that’s not. that’s not possible. tendo and i love each other very much. there’s no. there’s no way.”  
-

“wakatoshi-kun~~ can i have your notes for math? i’ll let you try my chocolates from baking class if you do~”

“tendo why didn’t you take the notes? the teacher gave us enough time to copy it down.” ushijima asked, opening his notebook for tendo to copy down.

“mmm my hand cramped.” tendo said, copying down the notes.

“here as promised~” tendo said, giving him a bag of heart chocolates he made.

“thank you.” ushijima said, eating the chocolate. 

‘he’s so nice to me and patient too.’ tendo smiled, thinking about all the good qualities of one ushijima wakatoshi, as he copied down the notes.  
-

“semi, maybe you should ask him about it.” shirabu said, putting his hand on semi’s shoulder.

“i. i need to get some air, shirabu you can go back to class.” semi said, standing up and leaving the library. 

walking down the hallways of school, he went into one of the bathroom stalls.

sitting down, he starting crying silently, muffling his cried with his uniform’s sleeve as tears rolled down his cheeks. 

‘why. why. why. why.’ he thought, getting the urge to barf again.

he faced the toilet as he threw up, once again, nothing but blood and flower petals.

this time, the flower petals are getting bigger, you can see how there’s more petals than blood.

semi sat back down, continuing to cry as someone enters the bathroom, he held his cried, not wanting someone to hear him.

-  
“wakatoshi kun~ be honest, did you like the chocolates i made?” said tendo opening the bathroom door for him.

“they were okay. a bit too sugary.” ushijma said, washing his hands, and drying it off with his handkerchief.

“hm, okay. i’ll fix the recipe.” tendo replied, fixing his hair a bit so it’s pointed upwards.

“i like you wakatoshi-kun~ you’re fun to hang around.” tendo said, looking at ushijima through the mirror. 

“you’re fun to hang out with too.” ushijima smiled, heading out the door.   
-

‘what. did i hear that. did i hear that right?’ semi thought, muffling his cried but his tears were still pouring down. 

“there. better now droop down again.” tendo said, patting his hair a bit. 

‘it’s now or never. i have to ask.’

hearing the door open, semi unlocked the bathroom stall’s door, yelling out tendo’s name, making tendo hault in his movements. slowly turning back, tendo saw his boyfriend, blood on his sleeve and mouth, some petals still stuck at the corners and inside of his mouth, and tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“i heard it. i heard all of it.” semi said, choking on his cries.

“did you. did you ever love me?”

silence. tendo opened his mouth. but no words came out. 

he was embarrassed, ashamed. realizing that this was his fault. realizing that this was the infamous hanahaki disease that could kill someone if not careful. the disease he once read in a book. oh, how he thought it was romantic to die for love. 

not anymore. not after seeing his boyfriend heartbroken, with blood and petals everywhere, tears streaming down. 

it hurt him to realize that he’s been hurting his boyfriend unknowingly this whole time.


	6. and the worst thing is, even after everything i still love you- haikyuu angst week DAY 6

(sakuatsu)

sakusa’s firsts were all with atsumu. 

atsumus’s lasts were all with sakusa.  
-

at the end of atsumu’s first year of high school, he noticed that he was more sensitive to sunlight, crying more even though nothing had happened, more delays in his sets, his eyes sometimes becoming foggy. that was when atsumu realized his entire life was about to be turned upside down. he had something called XP, one that effects only 1 out of 250,000 people worldwide. and he has it. 

Xeroderma Pigmentosum, which is commonly known as XP is an inherited condition characterized by an extreme sensitivity to ultraviolet (UV) rays from sunlight .

if the sun hits atsumu’s skin, he could get skin cancer, brain failure, and possible death.

-  
one mistake. just one. had set atsumu’s entire life into a path he was never meant to take.

‘shit.’ atsumu thought, slowly walking back inside the house.

“atsumu did you just try and sneak out of the house? in broad fucking daylight? at 12pm in the afternoon?” osamu said, 

“would you believe me if i said no?” atsumu said, turning to his pissed off twin.

“did the sun touch you?” osamu asked, as he rushed over to him, grabbing his arm. 

“did it touch you.” osamu said, his voice lowering, and his eyes piercing into atsumus.

‘who am i kidding, i can’t lie to those scary looking eyes.’

“yes. yes it did. it was very little though! so we don’t have to go to the hospital right?” atsumu chuckled, knowing that if osamu snitches now, he’s never gonna get the end of it from his parents and his entire team. 

osamu looked at him, his grip on atsumu tightening a bit, making the blond hair guy wince, “mom! atsumu touched the sun!” osamu said, still keeping eye contact with him as their parents rushes over from the living room that was on the other side of the house. 

“you fucking bit-“ 

“atsumu! we talked about this! no going in the sun!” atsumu’s mother, hanashi said.

“we’re going to the hospital. now!” their father yelled, already having the hospital on his phone.  
-

“okay, so since atsumu did get exposure to the su-“ the doctor sighing before getting interrupted by osamu, 

“it was for like a few seconds, it’s fine right? right ‘tsumu?” he said, turning his head to their parents and atsumu who was laying on the doctor’s table.

“osamu, don’t interrupt the doctor.” their father, jiro scolded.

“okay, as i was saying. atsumu did get exposure of the sun, as seen here on this sunburn that is on his right hand.” the doctor said, pointing at the spot that looked looked red, and burned.

osamu cringing at the burn, blaming himself for this.

“but we won’t know if atsumu has triggered anything yet until the blood and dna results come back, so please, keep an eye out for spasms, sudden behavioural change, lack of intelligence or lack of vocabulary, and the sudden inability to do simple math.” the doctor said, writing down some prescriptions for atsumu to take.

“here are the pills this month, if you run out, just tell me.” they said, handing atsumu the prescription note. 

“thanks doc.”  
-

sitting down at the dining table tonight was by far the scariest thing atsumu has done. 

his father’s eyes pinned on him like a hawk about to devoir its prey.

“atsumu. what did i tell you about not going outside? you couldn’t even last six months? how are you gonna do this for the rest of your life if you can’t even do it now? what if the results come back and you’ve already triggered XP? what are we gonna do then?” jiro snapped, scolding his son the second atsumu sat down at the dinner table. 

“osamu has a life of his own. he has a boyfriend, suna. who HE haven’t seen in months because your dumbass can’t listen to one simple rule. STAY INSIDE. AND DON’T GO OUTSIDE WHEN THE SUN’S OUT.” jiro yelling, standing up and leaving the dining room,

“i’m gonna check on him.” their mother quietly said, placing the napkin that was on her lap onto the table, and leaving the room.

“sooo.” atsumu said, picking his food around.

“dumbass. you’re in serious trouble now.” osamu said, taking a sip of water and continued to scold his older brother.

“what if you already triggered it? then i would’ve. i would’ve spent all these months protecting you for nothing! just because you wanted to feel the sun on your skin doesn’t mean you can risk your health doing it. you could’ve just taken a boiling hot bath or something instead of nearly killing yourself! hell, i don’t even know if you’re gonna die or not.” osamu snapped, also taking his leave and walking up to his room, slamming the door loud enough to get atsumu to flinch at the sound. 

“ ’tsumu.” their mother said, coming back into the dining table. 

“what. are you gonna scold me too?” atsumu spat, tossing the fork lightly at the plate, making a clink sound. 

“no. just. please i can’t loose you. you’re my baby. i can’t loose you.” their mother breaks down, walking up to atsumu and bringing him close to her chest as she cried out. 

“please. let’s hope you didn’t triggered it. i can’t loose you. i love you. so much. i can’t loose you.” their mother cried, kissing the top of atsumu’s head. 

“i don’t want to go either. it’s been so fun here.” atsumu said, hugging his mother back, a tear rolling down his cheek as he sniffled. 

‘i’m sorry.’  
-

“atsumu wake up.” his brother said, nudging his shoulder a bit.

“we have practice.”

“five more. five more minutes…” atsumu groaned, falling asleep again.

“it’s legit 7pm, 5 more minutes and it’s gonna be 12am. not everyone has your easy going life style. now get your ass up to go to practice with me.” osamu said, dragging his brother out their room.  
-  
“late. again.” kita sighs, crossing his arms.

“ ‘cause this dumbass wouldn’t wake up when i told him to” osamu said, smacking the back of his brothers head.

“ack! i said five more minutes!” atsumu whined

“five more, five more, you would’ve slept through practice!” osamu snapped.

“okay, let’s just get over what we’re supposed to be doing today.” kita said

“huddle up!”

the team all sat in front of their coach, who apparently had some special announcements to make.

“so team, as you might know, atsumu is one of the best setters we have, and for that he’s been invited to the national youth intensive training camp for next week. approximently three weeks from the springs national tournament. so congratulations atsumu!” the coach said as everyone clapped for him, giving him pats on the back and some congratulating him. 

“but, atsumu, since your condition seems to be a little fragile, i do have to tell the coach that’s supervising about your condition, and you will have to tell your parents about it of course.” the coach said, handing him a thick form he had to fill out, half the pages relating about his health. 

“osamu, i trust that you’ll remind your brother and parents about this when you get home? remember the training starts next week. you guys have 3 days to fill the form out.” the coach said, taking his seat on the bench. 

“yes sir.”

“very well, kita you can take over now.” the coach smiled as kita and the team started stretching.  
-

“so? can i go?” atsumu asked, setting his volleyball up as he looked at his mother.

“i mean, i’m fine with it as long as you’re being careful, taking your pills, calling each night, and staying hydrated.” she said, handing the form to their father.

“if your mother is fine with it, then it’s fine by me. but the second we get that blood and dna report back, and something is up. we’re taking you out of school and volleyball. so consider this your last possible chance of freedom.” their father said, signing his name on the forms.

“sir yes sir.” atsumu said, raising his right hand to his forehead.

“okay, well the sun’s about to come up, so try and get some sleep okay?” their mother said, hushing their father and osamu out. 

“okay. ‘night mom and thanks dad!” atsumu smiled.  
-  
finally, the day came where atsumu was free of his parents and annoying brother. 

‘ah, so this is what freedom must feel like.’ atsumu smiled as he inhaled the cold night’s air.

walking in the facility, he realized he was a bit late. everyone had finished their dinner and was getting ready to sleep in their assigned dorms. 

“miya atsumu is it?” a man with strawberry blond hair and a long beard, wearing an olympic 1999 shirt asked. 

“yeah that’s me, and who might you be?” atsumu asked, reaching his hand out.

“i’m the coach or instructor for this week. fuki hibarida. fuki would be fine, no honorific please.” he said, taking atsumu’s hand and shaking it. 

“i heard about your condition, and if at any point you want to rest, please feel free to do so, i wouldn’t want you to strain yourself a few weeks before the spring tournament. and i will be watching you closely, and reporting home if you do anything to try to go outside during the day time.” fuki said, putting his hands behind his back. 

“i’ll show you your dorm now. yours is the only one that doesnt have any windows so you’ll be fine. and the route to the gym is just a hallways down, once again with no windows so you’ll be fine. you’ll also be sharing it with someone else though.” he smiled, walking atsumu to his dorm.

after knocking, atsumu opened the door to see a black curly haired guy with a mask over his mouth. 

‘is he sick or something?’ he thought as he bowed slightly.

“this is sakusa kiyoomi, he’s from itachiyama institute. sakusa, this is miya atsumu from inarizaki academy.” fuki introduced as sakusa gave a small bow back to atsumu.

“well boys, it’s getting late, so you guys should go to sleep soon.” fuki said, closing the door behind him. leaving the two teenagers awkwardly staring at each other.

“uhm hi? i’m miya atsumu, call me atsumu though.” he said, reaching his hand out. 

“i’m sakusa kiyoomi. call me sakusa.” sakusa said, staring down at atsumu’s hand in disgust.

‘geez what’s his problem?’ atsumu thought, taking note that sakusa dosen’t wanna shake his hand, and retracting it back.

“okay well, uh goodnight i guess?”

“night.” sakusa said, turning off the light and going to sleep.  
-

“oi sakusa! can i borrow your toothpaste!” someone knocked, waking atsumu up.

groaning, he walked to the door, opening it to find a brown haired guy wearing the same jacket as sakusa. 

‘same team huh?’ 

“oh uh hi! i’m komori! is uhm sakusa here?” he asked fidgeting with the toothbrush in his hands.

“yea, you wanna come inside instead?” atsumu asked, opening the door a bit bigger for him.

“oh, sure. thanks.” komori said walking in and hitting the black haired boy that was asleep.

“what.” sakusa groaned, pulling the covers up to his neck, staring komori down. 

“toothpaste. i need it.” komori said, gesturing at his toothbrush.

“no. you’re disgusting. go out and buy some. or ask someone else.” sakusa said, kicking komori a bit and going back to sleep.

“uh you can use mine if you don’t mind.” atsumu suggested, grabbing his toothpaste out from his bag and handing it to komori. 

“thanks! i’ll see you at the morning training!” komori smiled, leaving their room.

“see ya.” atsumu said, waving at him.

groaning, sakusa got up, put his mask on, grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste and walked out the door without saying good morning to his new roommate. 

‘ok, so not an extrovert i guess.’  
-

after the morning, all the boys went to the gym where they were made into two teams. and the training began.

atsumu kept eyeing at sakusa and komori, ‘how can komori get close to him and not get stared down but i do?’ he thought while setting the ball up for kageyama to spike.

“nice one kageyema!” houshimi said, giving him a high five to the dumbfounded kageyama.

“break!” the coach set, clapping his hands twice to get everyone around him,

“you all did well, and as for the team that lost, please double the stretches and cleanup after this.” he smiled, writing down something on his clipboard.

sakusa, who was one opposing team tched, walking out the door. atsumu noticed this and ran up to him, “hey, you’re not gonna clean up?” he asked walking with sakusa, who was slowly giving them distance.

“i will. i have to get something. tell komori i’ll be back.” sakusa replied, walking faster as atsumu went back.

“yo komori! sakusa said he’ll be back he had to get something. so you guys can clean up first without him!” atsumu yelled across the gym as he ran up to komori. 

“and. by the way. how are you so close with sakusa? he wouldn’t even talk to me even though we’re literally roommates for the whole week.” he panted, taking a bit of a breather as he squated.

“oh! he’s my cousin that’s why!” komori smiled handing atsumu his water bottle. 

“oh?” atsumu said, taking the waterbottle.

“how do you become close with that guy? it’s only been a day and it feels like he already hates me to the core! his cold stares, and the up and down stare with the ‘tchs’ and the ‘disgusting’.” atsumu complained to the brown haired boy, who apparently was sakusa’s cousin. 

you really can’t tell they’re related unless one of them tells you. unlike ‘samu and ‘tsumu, everyone can tell which is which now that ‘tsumu dyed his hair.

“i mean, sakusa really didn’t bother making much friends back in junior and elementary school. but you can just try cleaning stuff and just be very neat overall.” komori laughed, scratching the back of his head, “i mean honestly just do what you do now, if sakusa didn’t ask the coach for a room change by now then you’re doing just fine.” he smiled, picking up the bucket of water and his mop. 

“oh, okay then. thanks!” atsumu said, running back to his dorm, hopefully seeing sakusa.

opening the door, he saw sakusa sitting on his bed, trying to find something. 

“need help?” atsumu offered, sitting down next to him. 

“have you seen a necklace with a gem in it?” sakusa asked, scaring atsumu a bit since this was the first time sakusa had directly spoken to him without being rude. 

“uh, if i remember correctly, you put it at the front pocket of your backpack when you left to go to the gym in the morning.” atsumu said, as sakusa stood up and opened his backpack.

after shoving his hand in his bag for a few seconds, he felt the familiar object, bringing it out and showing it to atsumu, “found it. thanks.” he said, taking his mask off once again.

atsumu had only seen sakusa with his mask off twice. one, during the practices, even break he would keep it on. two, now. 

‘beautiful’ he thought as he stared at sakusa, who was trying to put the necklace around his neck, struggling to clasp it. 

“oh here i’ll help you.” atsumu offered, as he walked to the back of the boy.

“thanks.” sakusa smiled, a hand on the necklace once atsumu clasped it on. 

“any time.” atsumu replied, as sakusa turned to face him.

“i apologize for being rude earlier, i’m just a bit or a germaphobe, hence the mask.” sakusa said, looking down.

“no no its fine! some people aren’t born to be extroverts anyway.” atsumu laughed a bit, as sakusa looked up at him. 

“i like your hair.” he complemented, 

“i like your uh face.” atsumu stuttered.  
“face?” sakusa asked

“well you’re uh very beautiful. i’ve never seen someone so pretty before.” atsumu mumbled, making sakusa blush a bit as he put his mask back on.

“okay well i think you should go clean up the gym with your cousin now. which by the way, you guys look very different. no similarities. like at all.” atsumu said, walking back to his bed and grabbing his phone. 

“how did yo- never mind, i’ll see you at the cafeteria then.” sakusa replied, walking out of the dorm. 

‘oh my god he talked to me. oh my god he’s so beautiful. he’s so so beautiful.’  
-  
after that conversation, the both seemed to get together a lot more smoothly, the week seemed to have flown by so quick. by the end of the week, atsumu was practically best buds with sakusa. 

“sakusaaa i can’t go to sleep! and i’m hungryyy” atsumu whined, shaking sakusa awake.

“then just get food at the cafeteria.” sakusa groaned, pulling his covers up.

“they’re closed!” atsumu replied, before an idea sparked into his head. 

atsumu leaned up against sakusa, whispering in his ear, “do you wanna go to the convenience store around the corner?” 

sakusa snapping awake, and sat up as quickly as he can. “are you trying to get us in trouble?!” he quietly yelled.

“it’ll be fine.”

“no.”  
-

“see i told you it’s fine!” atsumu smiled handing the cashier the exact cash, giving sakusa a steam bun and exiting the store.

“if anyone asks i wasn’t here, i was asleep in our dorm.” he warned, taking his mask off to eat as they sat on a bench right outside of the facility. 

“yea yea, besides look at the pretty stars! the sky is so clear today you can see everything!” atsumu smiled, pointing at the sky as sakusa looked up.

“it’s pretty.” sakusa said, taking another bite.

“right?” atsumu hummed, finally eating. 

sakusa put the bag on his lap, putting his trash inside and sat closer to atsumu. when he noticed his hand was trembling quite a lot.

“hey, why’s you hand trembling so much?” sakusa asked, grabbing on to atsumu’s hand. 

“it’s cold at night” atsumu smiled, gripping his hand harder.

‘it’s not cold though, is he okay?’

“it is a little cold.” sakusa replied, taking his jacket off and putting it over atsumu’s shoulder, leaving him in just a sweater. 

‘crap. it’s- no. i have to hide it. i can’t let the coach find out.’ atsumu thought, slightly suffocating at the thought of he might’ve triggered the disease. 

“hey, let’s go inside yeah?” he suggests, standing up tugging the hand that connected both of them, as if the string of fate connected them.

“yea.” sakusa quietly said, holding atsumu’s hand tighter.  
-  
today was the last day of training camp, the coach gathered them together, telling them that they all improved a lot and how proud he was. wishing some of them good luck for the spring nationals. 

“sakusa wait up!” atsumu said, as he catches up to sakusa at the train station, “your number. i need it.” atsumu smiled, panting a bit and handing his phone to sakusa, which complied to his request.

“ok well, i’ll see you then.” atsumu said, walking towards the staircase that leads to the other side of the station.

“wait.” sakusa said, grabbing onto atsumu’s sleeve.

“i. i like you. i enjoy your presence.” sakusa blushed a bit, thanking the mask that atsumu couldn’t see the blush. 

“what?” atsumu asked, turning back at sakusa.

“you heard what i said.” sakusa snapped.

“well, i enjoy your presence too. i’ll call you about the other thing when i get home!” atsumu smiled, giving sakusa a quick hug and running up the stairs.  
-

“i’m home!” atsumu yelled, taking his shoes off and leaving them sloppily at the front door as he went up to brothers room.

“ ‘samuu! did you miss your big brother? i bet you cried when i was away.” atsumu laughed, jumping on the back of his brother. 

“i was, you idiot.” osamu said, turning to face his brother, tears down his cheeks.

“what? i was joking- are you okay?” atsumu asked, quickly turning into his ‘big brother mode’ as their parents called it. 

“no. i was worried sick all week, and i just got a call not long before you came home.” osamu sniffled, “your dumbass triggered it.” he cried lightly punching his brother’s chest.

’no.’ 

“what?” atsumu laughed, his eyes dilated a bit as he sat back down. 

“you’re joking right? father? mother? nice joke now come out of the closet and under the bed! i don’t want to suffocate you all due to a joke!” atsumu smiled.

“they’re not home yet. and it’s not. it’s not a joke.” osamu said, staring into his brother eyes, giving the same hawk like stare their father always do when the two (usually atsumu) gets in trouble.

“ i’m gonna- i’m gonna go wash-up. i’ll be in my room if you need me. and call me for dinner” atsumu said, staring blankly into nothing as he stood up, grabbing his bag on the way out and to the bathroom.  
-

‘no. this is not. no. i. no.’ atsumu thought, turning on the faucet as water dripped down his body.

‘no. no. no. i still have so much i want to do. no.’ he silently cried, not wanting his brother to worry about him more than he is right now. 

getting out of the shower, he looked at himself in the mirror, already noticing that he seems a little pale, getting angry he went to his room and slammed the door.

‘sakusa. i’ll talk to him to distract myself from this.’ he thought, opening his phone and clicking on facetime, waiting for sakusa to accept the call. 

bling.

“hi sakusa! i’m home as you can see” atsumu smiled, spiralling around to show off his room. 

“put on a shirt then call me.” sakusa plainly said, blushing a bit as he hung up.

sighing, atsumu went to grab a random shirt and called sakusa again.

“that was so mean!” atsumu whined, putting his phone down on his table as he sat down. 

“i don’t want to look at your half naked any more than i had to back in training camp.” sakusa said taking his mask off since it was clean in his room.

“you should take your mask off more, or just show your entire face. you look really pretty y’know? it’d be a waste to hide all that prettiness to yourself.” atsumu complemented, as sakusa started blushing.

‘cute’ atsumu thought.

“anyways, you said you liked me today right?” atsumu asked, smiling at the memory.

“yea. what about it?” sakusa said, in somewhat of a sassy tone.

“well, i like you too!” atsumu smiled, “i like you a whole lot, you spike my sets so well! it’s like we’re made for each other!” atsumu complimented.

“so now what happens?” sakusa asks, not knowing what’s supposed to happen after the two confessed.

“i guess we’re dating?” atsumu replied, also confused on what’s supposed to happen next

“i guess.”  
-

after the two had confess, and somewhat became a couple, they’ve started calling more. texting each other more. 

“atsumu.” their father said, making atsumu snap up from his phone. 

“hi, yes? sorry i was distracted.” he said putting his phone in his pocket.

“yes, so i was telling your father that you have roughly 2 or 3 weeks left.” the doctor said, reading the reports and his father let out a heavy sigh, making atsumu feel like he’s a mistake from the beginning. 

“oh.” he whispered.

“here’s the pills for this month, and, i guess i’ll see you soon.” the doctor said, giving atsumu a small pat of his shoulder, and the pescriptions.  
-

walking back home, his father went straight to their mother, telling her about his current status while atsumu went upstairs to his brother’s room as he heard their mother start crying. 

“oh my god! no! not my baby boy!” their mother screamed, the walls and distance muffling the sound a bit, but atsumu was still able to hear it, his heart breaking a bit that he hurt his mother this way.

“ ‘samu? i have news for you. can i come in?” atsumu knocked, his voice a little bit quiet, a little bit sad. 

“come in.” their brother said, as atsumu entered his room.

“one, i have a boyfriend, tw-“ before atsumu continued their brother quickly snapped,

“does he know?”

“no.”

“you have to tell him ‘tsumu, isn’t he your boyfriend?!” osamu yelled, throwing a fox plushie at his brother.

“i can’t. he’s gonna think i’m contagious or something! he’s a giant germaphobe!” atsumu said, catching the fox plushie.

“oh come on! that’s bullshit, you know he’s not gonna think that and he instead will be there for you! just open up. give him a chance. before its too la-“ osamu lowered his voice, drifting off into his thoughts. 

a world without his brother? 

his stupid, hyprocritical, annoying brother? 

no. 

“before what? hm? dumbass i’m not dead yet. and i won’t be! i’m gonna live… till i die!” atsumu laughed, throwing his hands out to the side, imitating and quoting kokichi ouma as a tear fell down.

“i’m gonna live. yea. i’m gonna live a long happy life.” he said, quieting down and dropping to his knees, hands on his head, shaking, no, trembling in fear and because of XP.

“atsumu, it’s. i’m sorry i crossed a line, i shouldn’t have done that.” osamu said, hugging his brother as atsumu cries into his chest. 

“second thing, i have. i have two or three weeks left.” atsumu sniffled, still crying into his brother’s chest.

“i won’t make it. i won’t make it to the spring nationals. i don’t get to play anymore. i can’t go to school anymore.” he sniffled crying more, saddened at the fact that he never got to say goodbye to their team. that the rest of his very short life, it will just be doctor visits, pills, calling sakusa at every chance he got, and staying in this house.

“no. you can’t. i won’t let you.” osamu pleaded, hugging his brother tighter.

atsumu chuckled before choking on his cries, “well if you won’t let me, xp sure as hell will.” 

“shut up dumbass.” osamu cried, holding on to his brother, not knowing how many times they get to hug before it’s too late. 

-  
“hey ’tsumu, guess what?” sakusa said, smiling. 

“what?”.

“i’m visiting you this weekend.” sakusa smiled, seeing the smile grow bigger on atsumu’s face through the tiny screen.

“really? you’re visiting? but what about training? spring nationals is coming up, shouldn’t you be focusing on that?” atsumu asked, concerned that he might be taking up sakusa’s time.

“no no it’s fine! besides i haven’t seen you since like two weeks ago.” sakusa said, reassuring atsumu that it was fine.

‘oh, i’m near the end.’ atsumu thought, looking down at his trembling hands and nearly black nails.

his reaction time had delayed a lot, lately he’s been answering to his family a lot slower, his speech slurring a bit sometimes, he can hardly hear things that he could usually hear, getting more sensitive to light making sakusa ask him why his room was always dark, only having the screen light shined at his face. 

and the day finally came, sakusa finally arriving at the miya household, he was welcomed by hanahshi, their mother, who had allowed him to stay in atsumu’s room for the time being.

“atsumu will be back soon, he had to run an errand for me” hanahshi smiled, knowing that their son didn’t tell sakusa about his current wellbeing, knowing that atsumu was actually at the hospital with their father doing his final check up. her heart aching that she can’t tell atsumu’s handsome boyfriend what’s wrong with her boy, hurting that this would be atsumu’s last hospital visit. meaning that it’s near.

“oh ok.” sakusa said, taking his mask off, “oh! sorry, i’ll grab your stuff to atsumu’s room, follow me!” hanashi said, grabbing both sakusa’s travel bag and his backpack up the stairs, and down the hallway, opening a room with a lot of volleyball related posters, books, a volleyball, and of course, a fox plushie that sakusa had gotten him through amazon. 

‘cleaner than i thought’ 

“you can just stay here until atsumu comes back okay?” hanahshi smiled, putting the bags next to sakusa. 

“thank you.”

“oh no! no problem at all! call me when you need me okay? and call me hanashi!” she said grabbing onto sakusa’s hands. 

“okay. thank you miy- i mean hanashi.” sakusa replied, slightly annoyed she touched him.

“no problem!!” she smiled, walking out of the room. 

‘so this is what his room looks like. i hardly get to see it since his room was always so dark. it’s pretty clean for a sloppy guy like him’ sakusa thought, standing up and look around his room.

“yo ’tsumu i’m borrowing your charge-“ osmamu opened his door only to find atsumu’s boyfriend standing right in front of him. 

“woah you’re- you’re the boyfriend.” osamu pointed, his mouth gaped wide open. 

“and you’re an exact copy of atsumu?” sakusa questioned, wondering why they look exactly the same.

“oh uh i’m his younger twin, osamu.” he said, reaching his hand out to shake sakusa’s.

sakusa having to be polite to atsumu’s family, even though they do tend to touch him a lot, shook osamu’s hand. 

“nice to meet you. i’m sakusa kiyoomi, or omi-kun for atsumu.” he said, giving a bow, and osamu doing the same.

“ok well, i’m just gonna get his charger and go-“ osamu bent down, grabbing the charger and walking out of his annoying brother’s room. still stunned that the boyfriend was right in front of it.  
-  
“atsumu, keep up the good work. i’m proud of you.” their doctor said, hugging atsumu and shaking jiro’s hand.

“goodbye doctor. thanks for this past year.” atsumu smiled, walking out the door as their doctor waved them goodbye.  
-

walking in his house, he realized there were an extra pair of shoes, confused, he asked his mom whose it was, only to get a “it’s a surprise waiting for your room” as a response. 

sighing, atsumu walked up stairs and opened the door to his room, only to find osamu with a blanket covering someone.

“ ‘samu move. who the heck is that even. and why’s it so bright in my room?” atsumu groaned, giving osamu an annoyed look

“try and guess it first, one try only though.” osamu smiled, knowing that he was secretly recording this with his phone.

“is it your boyfriend? suna come out. i don’t even know why you guys are in my room.” atsumu groaned, a little annoyed his brother is in his room smiling like an idiot when he just came back from his last hospital visit.

“seriously, how can you forget? such a dumbass ‘tsumu.” sakusa pulling the blanket off and standing up.

“omi-kun? OMI-KUN! oh my god i’m so sorry i forgot i had a lot on my mind and i jus-“ atsumu’s ramblings were stopped when sakusa’s kissed him on the lips, atsumu blushing immedielty.

“surprise babe.” sakusa smiled, hugging atsumu.

“surprise indeed.” osamu said, grabbing his phone that had been filming this the whole time to take some photos.

“well, i’ll let you two catch up.” osamu smiled leaving the room.  
-  
“your room is nice.” sakusa murmured, sitting back on atsumu’s bed.

“wow. coming from you, that’s like gordon ramsey complimenting a chef’s dish. i feel honoured.” atsumu laughs, sitting next to him. 

“hey, did you get paler?” sakusa asked, noticing that atsumu seemed more tired than the last time he’s seen him. 

“uh no, not really. i just didn’t eat breakfast today maybe that’s why” atsumu laughed, lazily waving his hand telling sakusa to not worry about it.

“wanna go outside? it’s night time again. i’ll show you my school!” atsumu suggested, bouncing up and grabbing on to both of sakusa’s hands and pulling him up, making him a little too close to his chest. atsumu released his hands, hugging sakusa as sakusa hugged back.

“can we?” he asked, his voice muffled from leaning his head against sakusa’s neck.

“yea.”

“yay! i’ll just tell ‘samu then we can go!” ‘tsumu cheered, running down the hall to tell his brother.  
-

“look we’re here!” he said, pointing at the school building. 

“it’s big. i think bigger than my school.” sakusa said, looking up at the building. 

“of course it’s bigger than your school omi-kun! it’s an academy that’s good at everything after all~” atsumu teased, bumping his elbow at sakusa.

“yea quit flexing your school at me. i bet you’re not even in the university classes.” sakusa rolled his eyes, walking up to a bench near their gym.

“ok first of all mr. sassy king, i am in the university classes! and second, don’t gotta give me an attitude!” atsumu sassed, as sakusa bursted out laughing.

“was that funny?” he smiled.

“pfft yea! that was the funniest thing i’ve seen so far!” he laughed, hugging his stomach from laughing too hard.

“you have a weird humour omi-kun.” atsumu giggled. sitting next to sakusa.

after the laughter had died down, atsumu turned his body so he was facing sakusa. his hands holding on to omi-kun’s. 

“what’s with the sudden seriousness ‘tsumu?” sakusa asked, turning his body to face atsumu’s

‘ok i’m gonna tell him.’

atsumu opened his mouth, “did i ever tell how pretty and beautiful you are?” 

‘dang it. there’s always tomorrow.’ he thought.

sakusa laughed, “that’s what you wanted to tell me? how i’m beautiful?”

“y..yea. is that bad? i love praising you anyways.” atsumu stuttered kissing sakusa’s hands.

“you’re so random.” sakusa smiled, ruffling atsumus hair.  
-

“good morning omi-kun.” atsumu smiled, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek as he hugged him closer.

“morning ‘tsumu.” sakusa hummed, his eyes still closed.

“still can’t believe your parents allowed us to sleep in the same bed without doing anything weird.” sakusa laughed, rubbing his eyes as he slowly opens them. 

“well i am their favourite, most trust-worthy son!” he bragged, climbing over, so he was straddling sakusa.

“woah okay, this position is uh. a little odd coming from their favourite, oh so trust worthy son.” sakusa smiled, looking up at his half naked boyfriend.

“well they never said we couldn’t do it.” atsumu smirked, kissing sakusa’s neck, making him groan slightly.

“c’mon, we really shouldn’t, not with your parents and brother in the house.” sakusa said, pushing atsumu off him.

“fine. we’ll save the sex for another time. but today, we’re gonna watch a bunch of movies, eat popcorn, and cuddle! and that’s a defintley! besides you’re going home today, and who knows when the next time it’ll be when i get to cuddle and kiss you all over!” atsumu giggled, throwing a shirt on as sakusa got up from the bed.

atsumu had planned to make the movie day the last chance for him to break the news about his current health. so he cannot screw this up.

“true, true.”  
-

“hey babe, are you sure you’re okay? it feels like you’ve gotten skinnier the last time i saw you. and less beefy and energetic.” sakusa asked, looking up at atsumu as he laid on his chest as the movie continued to play.

“i’m fine. don’t worry about it.” atsumu looked down, giving sakusa a kiss.

“are you sure?”

“yes.”

“are you really sure?” he asks again, hoping his boyfriend will open up to him.

“i am.”

“fine, i’ll change the question.” he huffed.

“are you healthy?” he asks

no response.

“ ‘tsumu?” sakusa asks, worriedly, looking up at his boyfriend who had a nervous expression on his face.

“are you-“ before he could say anything else, atsumu snapped.

“what’s with all the questions? i’m trying to create a vibe here! and you’re ruining it omi-kun.” 

“it’s annoying! you’re annoying! it’s getting on my nerves! stop asking me so many questions, jeez. can’t you just shut up for a second and enjoy this?” 

“fine then.” sakusa said, pushing himself away from atsumu and sitting on the opposite side of the couch. 

“why’s your room always dark? during calls it was dark, when you send pictures it’s dark, when we were there together it was dark, you hands, they wouldn’t stop trembling, and you never go outside during the day! what are you? a vampire? and you sometimes ignore me when i ask you questions. why? why?” sakusa yelled, his hands in fists, as he tries to hold his tears in, 

“omi-kun im sorry i-“ atsumu trying to get closer to sakusa but was pushed away by him

“no! get away from me! leave me alone! i hate you! i hate you!” 

“fine.” atsumu said, walking out of the room. 

both pissed, one mad that their significant other wouldn’t open up, the other mad that they messed up the perfect chance to break the news to them.  
-

after that, sakusa had left, his stay at the miyas had came to an end. after that the two had never contacted at all, miles away from each other, sakusa even tried to reach out, but there was no response from atsumu. wether it was text messages, emails, facetime or calls, atsumu wouldn’t call back, or even try to respond. this worried sakusa a lot. to the point that he’s decided to visit him this weekend, the weekend before spring nationals.  
-  
ding dong

hanashi opened the door, her eyes slightly red and puffed as if she had just finished crying. 

“uhm, is atsumu here?” sakusa asked, not wanting to bother hanashi, especially when she looks like shes had her heart broken into a million pieces. 

“oh. oh! hi sakusa was it? i’m never good with names, but you were atsumu’s boyfriend right?” hanashi asked, trying to smile a bit so sakusa doesn’t feel creeped out. 

‘were? did he find someone else?’ 

“yea, is he here by any chance? “ he asks, as hanashi chokes on her cries.

“the hospital. go to the hospital, ask for miya atsumu, and tell them you’re a family member.” hanashi said, holding onto sakusa’s hands as she trembled.

“i’m sorry. i can’t help you much.” she said, her voice cracking, as she closed the door on sakusa.

‘what. what happened this week?’ he thought, running to the train station.  
-  
finally getting there, he asks the nurse where miya atsumu was, finally finding the room number to see their father, jiro sitting outside of the room, his hands on his face.

sakusa walked in the room to find osamu staring into the distance through the window, a tear rolled down his cheek as he held onto the letter atsumu wanted him to give for sakusa. 

“osamu.” sakusa called out, as he walked up to him.

“atsumu wanted to give you this” osamu said, handing him a letter.

“thanks, uhm. i’m gonna go. i shouldn’t be here.”

“oh ok, well i’ll see you at the spring tournament.”

“oh. yea i’ll see you then.” sakusa said, walking out of the hospital room and heading towards the bathroom. opening one of the doors to a stall, he opened the letter. 

‘hey omi kun~ it’s atsumu.  
well, i guess you’d already know that considering the terrible handwriting and spelling.

i want you to know that i enjoyed every minute of every second down to the milliseconds i’ve shared with you. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you about this. i couldn’t. i was afraid you would look at me differently. like i was a freak. or a walking virus and leave me. i have something called XP, short story long , long story short, i’m allergic to the sun, the older i get the higher the risk is. and due to me being stupid, i touched the sun. we found out i triggered it after the training camp.

i should’ve told you. i should’ve. and well, if you’re reading this letter, then i guess it’s too late.  
i’m sorry. but if we get reincarnated somehow, i will marry you! and we’ll have a normal life together, grow old, adopt, have a pet maybe? everything that we didn’t get to do! we’ll do it. together, in the next life! i promise.

but for now, i i want you to live. live like you’ve never lived before. live your life to the fullest, for me ‘kay? get married, settle down, scold them for not cleaning the way you like. make sure to enjoy every single second of it and i’ll be right here watching over you. so kick life’s ass. make sure you live more than anyone has ever did in this world. live for the both of us. 

aside from that, remember when we walked to the convenience store at night to get steamed buns? just you, me and the stars staring down at us. it’s actually one of my favourite memories together.. i loved it. maybe we can have more of those moments when we meet again! the movie one would’ve been the one i loved, but i ruined it, i was hoping to tell you about xp that day, but i was a coward so i didn’t tell you, but instead snapped at you. 

please, don’t be sad. it’s not your fault i died. it was bound to happen. you gave me so much happiness. words cannot describe how much you mean to me. the fight was my fault, i should’ve told you about it. so please, don’t beat yourself over it. it’s not your fault, and i’ll get ‘samu to kick you if you blame this one yourself! 

i don’t think i’ve said this yet. i love you omi kun. i love every single part of you. yes, even your cleaning habits. i love how much you care about everyone in your life, even though you don’t show it, i can see it. you care about them. i love how you always do your hair in a certain way that makes it look so good. like how do you even do your hair? it amazes me. i love everything about you. i love sakusa kiyoomi. i love you! i love you! i love you!! 

we’ve only known each other for a short time, but it was the best time of my life. you made my life 100 times better! so thank you. thank you for being my light, when my life was spiralling. thank you.

well, i never know how you’re supposed to end off letters, so i guess i’ll just say one thing. i’ll see you later okay? saying goodbye sounds like we’re never gonna see each other again. and i hate that. i truly believe that we will meet again. so see you later. and make sure to visit my grave! maybe some how i can hear you and visit you as a ghost. so visit me! also good luck at spring nationals! i know you’ll do great!! say hi to komori for me too!!! 

love,  
atsumu miya, aka your boyfriend who is the best at everything and LOVES you till the end of time.’

tears dripped down sakusa’s cheeks, soaking his mask, as he covered his hand over his mouth. walking backwards until he hit a wall. 

‘and the worst thing is, even after everything i still love you. you were my first love, the first one who didn’t think i was weird, my first friend, my first time going out at night were with you, the first one who got my phone number except for my families, my first kiss, you were my first everything. i didn’t knew all your lasts were with me’  
sakusa thought, heart aching at the fact that his last words to atsumu were ‘leave me alone! i hate you!

he never got the chance to have a proper goodbye.


	7. goodbyes- haikyuu angst week DAY 7

(yaku x lev)

-

2019 feb 18

“i guess this is goodbye.” yaku said, holding on to lev’s hand.

“yea i guess this is.” lev replied, as a tear dripped down onto yaku’s hand, yaku looked up to see the grey haired boy silently crying. 

“hey. don’t cry. if you cry then i’ll end up crying too.” yaku chuckled, bringing his hand up to wipe the tears off lev’s face.

“but, you’re leaving. so far away. i won’t be able to see you.” lev cried, choking a bit on the words.

“it’s just for university, besides we can all every night right?” yaku smiled, rubbing lev’s cheek.

“you’ll be fine. shibayama and the others will be here. besides after the first year, the rest will get harder. you’ll be so busy you’ll forget to call.” yaku chuckled, his hands falling back down. 

“i’ll miss you. a lot. even though you’re a stupid, i’ll miss you.” yaku said, his eyes watering a bit, “god look what you did! now i’m crying!” they laughed, both crying that they’re gonna be separated. 

‘flight a, 2:45am to russia will soon depart, please enter before the plane departs. flight a, 2:45am to russia will soon depart, please enter before the plane departs.’

“well, that’s. that’s my call.” yaku pointed at the door, looking up at lev giving him a sad smile.

“i’ll see you babe.” lev said, leaning down and giving him a kiss on the cheek, yaku doing the same.

“i’ll see you.” yaku said, walking away from lev.  
-  
2020 aug 14

“hey. i hope you’re doing fine up there.” lev said, placing flowers down next to him as he sat down on the bench.

“i know you would yell at me for wasting my money and buying flowers when i could’ve grew my own.” he laughed, scratching the back of his head.

“alisa and i got a modelling job now. we’re doing a vogue photoshoot next week. kinda stressful not gonna lie.” he said, pushing his hair back and sighing.

“i wish you were here yaku-san.” lev stood up, placing the flowers in front of the headstone that said ‘yaku morisuke’. 

“i’ll see you next week. love you.” lev said, waving at the sky and the grave as he walked away.  
-

2019 feb 18 (shortly after lev had gotten home and yaku’s flight had taken off.)

“lev! turn on the news real quick!” alisa hurried, running towards her brother.

“what? what’s on the news that could be so important than my sleep right now!” he whined, turning on the tv and to the tv channel.

breaking news, a plane had crash on the way to russia just now, flight A for russia. The plane had included some popular athletics like, olympic champion, yuri plisetsky, victor nikiforov, and a small but popular athlete in nerima Ward of tokyo in japan who made it to nationals last year, the nekoma team’s libero, yaku morisuke. 

The three had been found dead, police investigators say this might’ve been an accident due to engine problems. 

Next up…

lev shut the tv off, as alisa covered her mouth with her hands, dropping to her knees as she starts crying. 

“no. oh my god. levochka-“ she turned to her brother, giving him the biggest hug as he stands there. still. shocked from what he just heard from the tv.

“it’s fake news right? i mean it has to be. i just saw yaku-san.” lev said, giving alisa a creepy yet sad smile as he opened his phone to search up the recent news.

all sites, leading him back to the same exact answer. yaku is dead.

“oh my god.” lev said, dropping his phone on the ground as he hugged his sister back, both crying into each others arm.

“lev i’m so sorry.” she cried, her words getting muffled by lev’s shirt.

“i can’t believe he’s gone. he was just here and now he’s. he’s. gone.” lev sniffled between the pauses, more tears dripping down, her sister’s white shirt getting stained from all the tears.


End file.
